The Mating Habits of Dragons
by Legessa
Summary: One Shot. Big Dragons, ahem. Desperate Charlie. Amused Hermione. Slight bit of CharlieHermione.


Hello my darlings. Surprisingly I find myself with nothing to say :frowns: Oooh, I can tell you the latest development in Operation GMH (Get Male Harem)

Shhhh. Everyone gather in. This is what's going to happen. I have made special arrangements and my male harem is being sent to me air express. Don't worry I'm not cruel. I remembered to have them poke air holes and it's not as if they're all sharing the same box. Don't look at me like that I have to pay student loans, I don't have money to pay for plane tickets. :Doorbell rings in the distance: Squee! They're here::Opens boxes: NOOOOOOOOO! They sent me life-size cutouts. You all will have to excuse me I'm hopping the next flight to England to get this all sorted out. On a side note I actually had this friend in college and she had a life-size cutout of her fav. boy band man. She would even kiss the thing. Take comfort in knowing I was the sane one of the group.

**Disclaimer**: If I owned the world of Harry Potter do you honestly think I would have had to have my harem shipped to me.

**_Belated A/N_**: My pets I simply must share where my inspiration for this fic came from. I was trying to get inspired and then for some strange reason my brain brought images of this show called _Air Jaws_ that was aired during the last Shark Week. Trust me when I say that it wasn't pleasant having a picture of a Great White shark just floating along with a huge boner flashed before my very eyes. Then though, I had to think to myself if a shark was that huge how big must a dragon get and thus my fic was born. Don't be frightened my pets I have random thoughts like this a lot. If you stick around long enough you will begin to ponder such great mysteries as well.

Charlie Weasley was desperate.

"No. This isn't a problem. I can handle this; I love dragons, this won't be hard… difficult dammit, this won't be difficult."

Charlie's rant quieted to that of mumbling as he continued pacing across the living room of the Burrow. He stopped when he noticed a pair of legs dangling over the side of the couch. He looked up to find the raised brows and inquiring gaze of one Hermione Granger.

"Charlie, you do know what they say about people who talk to themselves don't you. Do you" Hermione stopped when she noticed Charlie staring at her as if she was an angel sent just for him. She was further astounded when he kneeled at her feet gripping her arms. "Charlie, what?"

"Hermione you have to help me. There's the dragons with the eating and then bam it's huge."

"Charlie stop. Breathe. Now slowly and rationally explain that last statement."

"It's been recently discovered that sometimes after a group of dragons finds a large source of prey and proceed to chow down that the males sport some rather large erections. Then there's a full out mating war."

Hermione couldn't help but laugh. You could just see the thoughts of baby dragons flitting around Charlie's brain. Charlie took Hermione's laughter for disbelief and immediately took on a chiding tone. "Hermione, this is no laughing matter. If someone were walking by the male dragon could knock the person into next week. I mean a fully aroused dragon, it's huge!"

"First of all Charlie, I would think it more than likely that the dragon would simply kill any human that happened upon him if it were in the midst of a feeding frenzy and was on the cusp of a dragon orgy. Secondly, any person stupid enough to walk without a care in the midst of eating dragons deserves what's coming to them." Charlie was nodding along but was jolted out of his daze with one question. "Charlie although this new bit of information was fascinating, why were you thinking about randy dragons? If I didn't know better I'd think you were a perv."

"Hermione! I may love dragons but I don't get off on the thought of them. No, see before this not a lot was known about the mating practices of dragons in the wild. We really don't have a great success rate with breeding in captivity. So the Reserve got a meeting with the board for the Repopulation of Magical Creatures. We want to set up a new enclosure to simulate conditions found in the wild. In order to do that we need a grant from the board and I was the one volunteered to give the pitch. The only thing is I know I'll get nervous talking about sex in front of those stodgy blokes and frigid beldames who look like they've never been laid in their life, and then I'll start rambling. Hermione, really you have to help me with this."

Hermione couldn't help but grin at the idea of a flustered Charlie, it was so cute. "I'm sure you'll do fine Charlie, you just told me all of the pertinent information. I bet that if you just think about your goal in all of this while giving your speech you'll be brilliant."

At that statement all the tension that Charlie had stored in his body seeped out. If Hermione said that's how it would be, then that's how it would be. He sank into the cushions of the couch and closed his eyes. 'That built up tension was draining, maybe a nap would be in order.'

Hermione stared at Charlie while he dozed. 'He really is quite handsome.' Hermione was leaving the room but turned back at the last minute with a rather mischievous grin on her face. Standing behind the sofa she leaned down placing her hands on Charlie's shoulders and called his name. He half-snorted, half-snored but maintained his doze. Hermione's lips brushed against his ear. "Maybe when you get back from your speech you could give me an in-depth, blow-by-blow accounting of what a fully aroused dragon does to his chosen female." Hermione couldn't resist and nipped his ear before laving it with her tongue. She shot his recumbent form one last look and walked up to her room. Meanwhile, a growing smirk graced Charlie's face as his eyes snapped open. He had a woman to see about a dragon.

**El Fin.**

**A/N**: I must say that I'm bummed. I didn't find a way to insert my customary humor, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have some in the fic but I prefer there to be more; yet, I couldn't bring myself to rewrite this. Oh well, another time perhaps. That being said, if you leave me a review I'll send you a yummy oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.

Wishings of a delightlfully, wicked day for all my darlings,

Legessa

Creator of ever-expanding chaos and destruction since 1982

(Really I am, the laws of thermodynamics say so)


End file.
